Classic GOP TV: Mitt Van Dyke

I am shocked at the similarities the Republican Presidential campaign has had to the classic TV show The Dick Van Dyke show. The main character in the charade of course is Mitt Van Dyke. Just as Rob Petrie has a clumsy streak, like when he trips on an ottoman during the show’s opening, Mitt Van Dyke trips on his words. Mitt Van Dyke says all sorts of things to harm his reputation, like when he was playing every man in Detroit and gushing how he and hiswife owned four cars, including three luxury cars. This is not going to resonate with Joe and Jane Wage Earner when they vote. Another great stumble is when Mitt Van Dyke says he “likes to fire people who provide services to him”. This statement speaks for itself. One of the best humdingers is when Mitt confides he is not concerned about the poor. Though he sounds out of his mind, he may have not meant these quotes to sound as smarmy as they do, but any well-versed politician should know things he says will be taken out of context. And like Freud said, there are no accidents. Or was it Jung? Anyway, I know Fraser Crane said it. Therefore, it very well may be that down in his heart Mitt really believes these terribly insensitive things he says, but one way or the other he’ll have a hilarious time digging out of this hole! Presumably, when things go south for Mitt Van Dyke, he can look toward his loving wife.

Just as Laura Petrie is warm and supportive, Ann Petrie Romney is the clumsy wife (of a clumsy man) who gets stuck behind a proverbial inflatable raft when the campaign makes hay over a private consultant’s comment that she has never worked a day in her life. It was rightly pointed out that she perhaps shouldn’t be villainized because she has had a privileged life; however, if I was talking to Ann and she tried to play the working mother card, I’d respond a la Lloyd Bentsen, “I had a working mother, Mrs. Romney, and you are no working mother.” Mrs. Romney has had MS, so I will take her at her word that she has struggled. Still with that in mind, it’s reprehensible that she is campaigning against a law that undoubtedly is helping people with diseases, such as MS.

I wouldn’t be a self-respecting, well what ever I am, if I didn’t play the polygamist card, mainly because it’s too tempting, and of course because he is a public figure he is open to satire. For all you Mormons reading this, I don't think you are polygamists. It's just for fun. Former Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann makes a fine sister wife Laura Petrie because of a general resemblance to the actor Mary Tyler Moore. Plus, Michele Bachmann represents Minnesota in Congress, while another Character of Mary Tyler Moore, Mary Richards, lives in Minneapolis. Coincidence? Not on your life! Just like the TV Laure Petrie stuck her foot in her mouth when she was tricked into revealing TV boss Alan Brady was bald, Michelle Bachman stuck her foot in her mouth when claiming John Wayne was from Waterloo, IA, when in fact serial killer John Wayne Gacy was from the city.

Playing the roll of Buddy, you get crazy, wisecracking Rick Santorum who will do anything for a laugh. One of the best Buddy quotes was when Rick Santorum said, “I don’t want to go to a trade war...I want to go to war with China…”

Another great one was when Buddy Rick said there should be penalties for not evacuating for a hurricane, like dying is not one of them. My personal favorite is when he said he wanted to throw up when listening to the JFK speech about separation of church and state. Who says they want to throw up about a martyred U.S. President? Doesn’t that Lincoln, just makes you sick the way he panders to the African Americans? A great one is when Buddy Rick compared being gay to being black. Both are bad, he implies, but at least you can cure being gay. “There are people who were gay and lived the gay lifestyle and aren’t anymore. I don’t know if that’s the similar situation or that’s the case for anyone that’s black. It’s a behavioral issue as opposed to a color of the skin issue, and that’s the diff for serving in the military.” Ok. Enough on Rick.

Man crazy Sally, is played by Marcus Bachmann. Bachmann oozes femininity. Enough said. It may not be nice to call him “Sally”, but neither is he in comparing gays to barbarians.

Loose canon Jerry is played by Orly Taitz. Both say crazy things, like when Jerry badgered Rob about the Brady show being as good as Ben Hur and Taitz badgering Barack Obama about his birth certificate. And they’re both dentists.

Millie is played by Ann Coulter. Both Millie and Ann are prone to throw hysterical fits, Millie mostly by living Laura’s life vicariously; Ann by mostly by living Bill Maher’s life vicariously.

Producer Mel is played by Michael Steele. It is probably not fair to Michael, but he really was a lackey like Mel while he was DNC Chairman. Truly

it is a shame because from watching him on television, he seems pretty intelligent.

Finally, the Big Kahuna, the real man in charge of the show, Alan Brady, is played, of course by Rush Limbaugh. It’s hard to know which man is more of a blowhard. Brady’s specialty is browbeating people with his boorish mannerisms and loose attitude toward marriage, like when he cheats on his wife. Limbaugh’s known for browbeating everyone and for his loose attitude toward marriage, like when he has three wives. Brady’s known for picking on defenseless women, like when he constantly harangues brother-in-law Mel. Limbaugh is known for picking on seemingly defenseless women, like when he accused Sandra Fluke of being a prostitute.