the Swimsuit Issue

This is the official Swimsuit issue of the Disjointed Observations blog, which means you should be seeing some very enticing bikinis and one piece swimwear. First let's get something straight. Men read the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and Playboy, for that matter, for the articles only. We are not concerned about seeing beautiful partially or fully naked, beautiful women in enticing poses. So for that reason this swimsuit issue will contain only written content. Did I say the women were beautiful? There will be no Kate Upton posing among these pages, I mean this page. And since I did say you'd see some provocative swimwear, let me make one more thing clear: I was lying earlier to get you to continue reading.

So, speaking of lying, why is it that some advertisers feel it's ok to lie in their attempt

to attract customers? Sometimes I think if one confronted the members of industries that continually and habitually lie they would tell you nobody takes them seriously anyway, so they aren't really lying. One example is the car ad with the ridiculously low price. You will see some notation like stock # C45011BJ-AN-NAL-DIKWD, which nine times out of nine times will tragically represent a car that is already sold. It was impossible to get that price because it never existed. What does exist is the car salesman with the bad suit, bad teeth and bad hair.

The problem with car salesman is they were once in high school, or what I call the knowledge games. In coming of age, we men have been able to get away with so much based on our word. Did you really expect the car salesman to treat you right when seven years earlier he convinced some pretty girl's father to give him a job and the pretty girl to give him a hand job. Then rather than be happy with hand job, he would convince the same girl and others to give him oral B (and I'm not talking about a tooth brush); however, first he promised the unsuspecting cheerleader/majorette fair warning so unwanted calories would not be ingested. There are two things worth noting here. First of all, he didn't give the poor sweet thing a warning, so she ended up swallowing a generous serving of ranch dressing. The other thing to note is that he just negotiated his first up-sell.

Speaking of the salty taste (so I've heard) of seamen, another group of liars who leave you wanting less is the credit card companies. These are the ones who always have the revolving door member agreements (speaking of lying), and who will give you a heart attack when they leave a message for you on your answering machine when there was no late payment and only the company's heart felt desire that you pay more money for nothing. Was that sentence long enough for you? I sometimes let the true desire to assuage my vanity overcome the idea that if you pass out reading a sentence, it's probably too long. Another thing about credit cards, is they always look so new and shiny. New cars look like this too,and like new cars, credit cards will end up making you pay for five to seven years before you will realize you should have bought the big screen TV, the Apple notebook, iPhone, iPad and forty thousand dollars in gift cards and then filed for bankruptcy. I guess that wouldn't be honest. Between Citibank and me, one of us has to be honest, so my money's on me. The final argument against the honesty of bankers is a little tale of one in particular. Seven years earlier he got some nice girls dad to give him a job...

So take heart. All this talk of lying has made me repent and become an honest blogger. Please see below where you will be able to an assortment of swimsuit models: