Ode to the Conserva-babe

“I’m in love with the other woman…my life was fine ‘til she blew my mind.”

I’m in love with the conservative woman. My life really was fine until that hottie Michelle Bachman blew my mind (and started running around with the Tea Party Crowd). As much as I disdain what she says and what she stands for, I can’t help but look at her and think man she’s fine. And there are other conserva-babes out there that I look at and just think man, I’d like to show her my supply side. But the thing is I don’t really stand politically with conserva-babes, and I really couldn’t be with somebody who I totally was at odds with politically.

So that brings me ,this fine morning at 4:07 AM, to question why do the babes all go conservative? Well, just to clarify, I don’t think all attractive women are conservative. I think part of the reason why there are so many consserva-babes is the fact that God loves them more than other ladies, who are for instance atheists or agnostics. And God blesses them with Clairol Nice and Easy and L’Oreal Superior Preference to make them sexy for Jesus. I guess you can’t be sexy for Jesus if you are Catholic though, because you know Mary would get pretty pissed that some little trailer park ho bag was cavorting with her son. But, if you are a Protestant Evangelical Christian, man you go girl! Wear those short skirts and low cut blouses for the J-man. Jesus loves babes, and he loves babies, and you looking like, well somebody I’d like to ****, I mean take to dinner and talk about or mutual admiration for Caucasian Jesus. So after I meet the conserva-babe then we get to know each other and abstain from pre-marital sex, we will make more baby Christians who will deny the insurmountable and irrefutable facts of evolution. But, I kid the evangelicals.

Ok. There are a lot of attractive women who vote Republican, but why do they become so popular on the national stage? The reason is we need mindless pin-ups. The reason Sarah Palin was, and still is, so popular is that she doesn’t flaunt her intelligence. Sure, despite seeing Russia from her kitchen window* , barking Satan up a tree and being more or less highly ignorant for somebody aspiring to be a heart beat away from the Presidency, she has to have lots of smarts to achieve what she has. Michelle Bachman is a tax lawyer and you can’t be stupid to be in that occupation. It’s not like she is, say, a customer serviced rep (Now I have offended myself!). And they’re both easy on the eyes, which makes them popular with Old Coot and Mrs. Old Coot as well, because the missus likes pretty girls too, so she can fix one of them up with Junior, who though is head of the young Republicans, is probably gay. So couples like the Coots, who are gun owners and who are terribly afraid of somebody taking them away (you’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands, he says), will vote GOP, for those babes, you see.

*Sarah Palin never said she could see Russia from her window. That was a Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin.